The Constant Light

Welcome to my blog and website, which is still under construction.

Guru Poornima has always been a special day.  In my convent school, we did not really celebrate it.  However, I did have teachers who taught music and dance and we would visit them.  From 2005, when I started learning Dhrupad from Guruji, the celebrations became more grand and reflective.  Every year, we would present, our music in front of Guruji and Didi, individually.  There would be a feast afterwards, cooked by Didi (though we did try in vain, to convince her that at least on this day, the roles should be reversed, anyone who has had the privilege of eating anything cooked by Didi, will concede that all is well that ends in such delight and satisfaction).  

I have performance anxiety before most recitals and this was no different.  However, I found that the spirit of the day almost always created a sacred bubble of safety, from which I could perform.  It is after all an offering of gratitude to your teacher for all their patient efforts in the preceding year.  

For the last three years, I have been making this offering online, to my other teacher, Pandit Arijit Mahalanabis, as part of a 24 hour festival hosted by SIMA, called aSTaprahar.  

The last three years have also been a time of, greater than usual, internal churning and my mentors, Shree Raghu Ananthanarayanan and Shree CP in particular, have held sacred and loving space as my sakhis.  My idea of what a Guru means has undergone transformation.  The big aha moment this year was when I thought, “What would it look like if I could hold this space for myself?”.  The idea of being compassionate to oneself is quite radical.  The idea of accepting the self as I am!?  How transformational would that be?  My mind reels as I try to imagine this.  

So this year, other than paying tribute to my family, friends, mentors, students, pets, Tanpura and God, I am acknowledging myself, in body, mind and breath.